Adopting a child Malaysian-style

I have been entertaining the thought of adopting a child for quite some time now. However, it will probably be only a pipe dream because given the realities of raising a child single-handedly is not something I can handle in terms of energy and time. Financially, I guess I'm ok but that is only the tip of the iceberg.

So what brought this about was that a friend of a friend is getting a child, single also. And really, he's in no shape to do so. Not financially stable, no family support here (they live in East Malaysia, a flight away) and ermm not matured enough yet, I think. Although who is to say, maybe getting a child will force him to get his act together.

Anyway, since this blog is all about money, I thought I'd break down the adoption issue in terms of the real costs involved and hold on to your hair, what I'm about to say is not very pleasant:

First - there are 2 ways of adopting here: one is through the Welfare department, the other is to find your own baby.

The Welfare Department way is the government-aided way where the department connects childless couples to single mothers or poor families who have to give away their children. There is a long waiting list and they give priority to married couples, although the law & procedures do allow for single parents to adopt. Adoptive parents must go through a screening process for suitability. All above board and done in the best interest of all parties involved. The only problem is that it takes a very long time. The queue is very long and there are more adoptive parents wanting a child than there are people willing to give up their child through the government channel (maybe shy, save face etc - I'm not going into the throwing babies away issue here!).

The OTHER way is legal too but you know how it is, once money gets involved, then it all starts to look like a commercial baby-buying racket. Not a nice feeling any way you slice it. So here's how it goes:
You, as the adoptive parents, can come to a private agreement with the child's parents (be it unborn or already born) to take the child for your own. The parents must agree and both parties go to court to make this declaration before a judge who will pass a judgement on allowing or disallowing it, usually with conditions (6 months fostering for non-Muslims and 2 years fostering for Muslims before formal adoption and children borne of Muslim parents can only be adopted by other Muslims. Not onerous, one would say).

Now here is where it gets sticky, the biological parents usually will get something back. It can be a token sum, medical bills paid, sometimes even nothing just so they can give up the child and move on (usually unwed teenagers whose parents don't want the child, Papa Don't Preach huh?). Because of the slow process at the Welfare Department (which I am not faulting them, they should be careful in who they place the babies with, shouldn't they?), the private adoption "industry" as it were, is much larger. And there is a price set already and it ain't pretty:

• The range is - Chinese baby boy (newborn or as young as possible), you have to pay RM20,000 at least. This was a few years ago, wouldn't be surprised if it has gone up to RM30,000.
• On the other end of the spectrum, Indian baby girl - the parents would give their child away for RM800.
• Yes sir, there is a 25 times multiplier between the two. TWENTY FIVE. How's that for a Gini coefficient??
• I hear Malay babies are somewhere in the middle and no need to pony up all of it in cash, they could take things in kind like household goods and furniture (a Malays ex-colleague of mine, married for 10 years, no kids, waited forever for Welfare but no reply, decided to get a child from a villager in Sarawak. She said she didn't pay much cash, the family there was so poor that they wanted basic stuff like a fridge, a stove and so on.)

It is a bad situation. Very bad. How polarised and ghettoised is our society that on one hand, an Indian girl could be 'sold' for so little while a Chinese boy is valued so much?

It is a symptom of the gap between rich and poor here.

[Meanwhile, heard an ex-classmate who is now a doctor, got a child through surrogacy with his male partner for AUS$100,000. Cool huh?]

So there you go, all this and haven't even covered diapers, milk powder, baby sitting, clothes, medical fees, school fees and food all the way up to.. forever: university, car deposit, house deposit, wedding, grandchildren gifts! Hoo.. I think too much. :)